Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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