if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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