my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
