I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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