if i can run in heels then i can drive
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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