I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
