I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
