I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Even my vagina gasped.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
