I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You were trust falling into bushes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
