I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
