Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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