Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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