you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
