Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
