im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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