Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
