Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
