Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
