am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Found your dick twin last night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
