He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
