Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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