he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
