I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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