You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
