Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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