This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
