weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
