just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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