Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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