You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
