I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
