I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
