I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
