I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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