so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
