you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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