Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
