I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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