but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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