it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
