i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
