Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
