Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
