so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So squirting runs in the family.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
