I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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