I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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