Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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