dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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