her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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