I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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