he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
