bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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