Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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