I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
